Recovering from Mayhem...
How falling out of balance helps us learn about Resilience
When we got back from our spring break trip a few weeks ago I felt completely overwhelmed. There was so much to do and take care of and catch up on. Everything felt like a mess. I was exhausted, disorganized, and my mind was scattered. And I couldn't figure out how to get myself back to center.
From this state, I questioned everything. How did I create a life that is so overwhelming, with so many responsibilities and projects (and expenses)? Is this even what I want from my life?
At certain point a thought experiment started to run through my mind : "What would "Person X" do if they woke up one day in my life? What would they change? What systems would they put in place? What new terms would they negotiate around relationships?"
I tried to do this with a number of different "Person X's."
This wasn't coming from a "I'm not good enough" place. It was coming from a genuine curiousity around what and how I could change things to make it all feel more manageable and enjoyable. In-Joy-Able.
Of course I had to also imagine if I, Noah, would be happy with the changes Person X made (and if person X would even be happy with the changes they made). Would my marriage withstand those changes? And another question was "which of the constraints and stressors of my life would hamstring Person X in the way I was feeling hamstrung?" Would the realities of 3 young children actually incapacitate person X even more than it does me?
Then I started to wonder what "soul contracts" might be at play that are influencing my life in ways that I'm not aware and how would that impact "Person X". If you're not familiar with the concept, a "Soul Contract" is essentially an agreement that our soul made before it incarnated. Whether or not you "believe" in it, it's an interesting paradigm and lens to use when examining one's life.
The most interesting peice about all of this, is that I found myself on a run, my first run since I'd returned from my trip, and I realized that I wasn't feeling quite as under-water as I had been. I could see the progress we'd made as a family in terms of finding our rhythm again. I could see our house and home getting back into order, our garden prep (while maybe not quite as far along as we'd like) getting where it needed to be, and me catching up with "admin" side of home life and work.
It was on this run, that laughed at myself a bit and wondered if maybe "Person X" just need to be "Me" as I was back in January.
The bumpy periods in life are tricky. And they can be a bit disorienting. It's good to be rattled into asking big questions from time to time ("Is this even the life I want?") and it's great to exercise the "muscle" of reorienting oneself and finding the rhythm again.
It's an opportunity to practice resilience. Resilience is about bouncing back from and moving through difficulities. We can only learn and discover how to be resilient by moving through the difficult moments.
I'd like to be more consistent with my rhythms and routines, with my healthy habits and the flow of managing our home and household. The reality is its a complex dynamic system: there are 3 young children constantly going through developmental changes (which often includes getting sick) and four very different and dynamic seasons throughout the year. When you throw in some holidays, breaks from school, travel, the general exciting swirling of life, and a dash of our dear friend entropy, it's no surprise that rhythms and routines get disrupted and I get knocked out of my seat from time to time.
Maybe it's better to focus on what I learn and how I grow from these mayhem filled times (and yes mayhem may be a dramatic word choice, but that is what it often feels like).
Most importantly, I might as well find a way to enjoy the ride.
How do you get back to center when things are wonky?
With blessings that we all find our ways back to center,
Noah
Well, Noah, we do need to understand the trade-offs we make and decide if they're worth it at any given point in life. I truly believe if you would plant yourself at home for a good while your natural rhythms would emerge and your comfort levels would increase. Yes, travel is wonderful, fun and a great learning experience but it has its place and time and those times will be different for each family and each stage of growth for each family.
It feels like you may be experiencing that unsettled feeling because, indeed , your life has not been settled. You always seem to be running somewhere. You might want to commit to a period of time to enjoy and grow your still new homestead and allow your family to sink into place, develop their love of home be here now.
Just a thought from your old Abba with much love.