The Hardest Word

My kids have this book where a large mythical bird called a Ziz accidentally destroys a garden. The bird is sent on a mission to find "the hardest word." It goes through various words—some silly, some difficult to pronounce—but none are what's needed.

Finally, the bird returns and says, "I'm sorry, I couldn't find the word."

Well, it turns out "Sorry" is the hardest thing to say.

It's a sweet book, but I strongly disagree. I don't actually have trouble saying sorry or owning mistakes, and neither do my children.

For me, as a man, one of the hardest things to say is: "I need help."

This came up recently with some behavioral challenges we've been having with my son. All sorts of counterproductive thoughts flooded in:

"I shouldn't need help." "The help won't actually work—it'll just waste time and money and leave me feeling more hopeless.""Even if it would help, there's no way I can fit it into our schedule." "Can we even afford the extra expense?"

An onslaught of resistance to getting support.

But I worked through it. It helped knowing friends who'd faced similar challenges where "getting help" actually helped.

Ironically, just reaching out and setting up support started shifting things. It became a more empowered stance:

"I'm not sure what to do here, but I can see where I have agency. One place is reaching out to someone with experience who can offer an outside perspective to help me learn, grow, and see new possibilities."

This helped me shift from overwhelm into "In the meantime, I'm going to try this strategy."

It still feels paradoxical how empowering asking for help was. And how quickly things began shifting once we asked—even before we received insights, guidance, and support.

It wasn't, as some part of my subconscious feared, a commitment to tens of thousands of dollars and years of intervention. It was quick, simple, and worth it.

So my brothers—fathers to children who carry hidden treasures in the form of challenges, fathers of children navigating developmental leaps that are confusing, difficult, and uncomfortable...

When you hit an edge and aren't sure where to go next, consider doing the hardest and most empowering thing:

Ask for help.

With Love,

Noah